I think this guy's getting put in something called "Hero Squad"

Seriously. I think I might have a new hero. Sorry, Tina Turner , but I am always in need of heroes. Wasn't there some crappy, bland melodrama about heroes on some generic network? Hm. Seems like that didn't catch much attention. Maybe this guy has an answer:

"Man Charged After Wiping His Ass With A Parking Ticket" 

That is the most appropriate response to receiving a parking ticket. Parking tickets are like mosquito bites, only they cost money and there is no satisfying sensation of scratching an itch. Actually, on second thought, parking tickets aren't like mosquito bites at all. They're like those assholes who step right in front of you to repeat whatever it was you were just saying to someone.

I also happened upon this extraordinarily disturbing article at Disinformation today. My mom, apparently, cried for three days straight when Ronald Reagan was elected in 1980. I feel the same way after every new molehill of research that is released concerning the overwhelming amount of foreign and/or chemical agents in the vast majority of foods. It's hard to eat well and be poor. Also, I never want to eat out again.*

So fuck you, big agribusiness, and your bullshit agenda.

*Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I will, too.