THE MODERN WORLD HURTS MY BRAIN SO, SO MUCH

23.6.10

SOMETIMES ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS

Really need to get things straightened out. Have been out of a routine for some time now. Driving me nuts. Makes me a little crazy everyday that I haven't had a real way of life in several years, at this point. Part of that is the general uneasiness of living in less than stable habitats and part of it is my lack of will power adhere to my own independence in the morning rather than just lay around with current manfriend, which inevitably leads to laying around in the afternoon. The problem with always having an excuse for why life-isn't-perfect-but-when-it-finally-is-I'll-do-something-brilliant-and-fulfill-my-potential-just-like-I-always-knew-I-could is not any external factor, but ME. (Plus, If I had the internet at home instead of having to mooch it off of loved ones or coffee shop owners, I probably wouldn't ever even leave the house much less make myself suitable for the dating or non-dating public.)

I used to be really good about having a morning routine. Put on KEXP or a record, or maybe even NPR. Make breakfast, drink coffee. Write something, whether personal or analytical for 20 minutes. Exercise or watch teevee, or internerd it up for a bit. Go to work. Of course, this only worked when I didn't have a hangover - which was fairly often to almost regularly for the past few years (what, what, everyone is 21 at some point). Sticking to one's morning routine is key to being a well-balance adult who doesn't eat sweets for breakfast and gets out of bed even when the weather isn't perfect. It's just too easy to not do anything, though the flipside of that is constantly finding alternative sources to exorcise one's creative energies. Hence the addiction to sweets of all kinds, at all hours.

Well, there is the whole thing about not being in . . . school. I've decided that THE FALL is the time to do it. FINALLY, and ALL THE WAY. I mean, I'm not doing anything otherwise. Sometimes I update this. I have a lot of things I'd like to make that I don't and instead I think about making them. I don't even know what I want to study, but I really don't care anymore. I'll figure it out; the much-needed discipline is more so what would make me feel more as though I am constructing my life rather than just letting it happen.

(I'm so glad I'm not a drunk anymore.)

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